Spiders
by ItsTeotwawki
Summary: ONE SHOT...The secret thoughts of Seras Victoria regarding the little eight legged fiends....Or maybe not so secret thoughts...Rated for language.


Well, guess what I just found out from a very reliable source: This entire place is infested with spiders. Big spiders.

Great. Bonus-sized bugs. That's just wonderful. See, I hate spiders. Hate 'em. They're just…ugh. I'd be perfectly happy if every spider in the world just curled up and died. Well, not really, since that means that I'd find a shriveled-up spider corpse every time a moved a chair or lifted the couch cushions…

…Crap. Don't think about that. I'd rather have them alive and moving around, since that lessens the chance that I'll run into one.

Wait. What the hell am I saying? I don't want them alive, and I don't want them dead, but I certainly don't want them _undead_, since they're bad enough as they are without having to imagine them as blood-sucking fiends.

Oh, great. Now I'm gonna have nightmares. Thanks a lot, stupid over-active imagination. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I'm a vampire! I shouldn't be afraid of something like spiders!

…

But… what if I wake up in the middle of the night and there's one crawling on my face and I scream and wake everybody up again and get laughed at by Perv and Master and Sir Integra? AARRGH! Stop thinking about it, Victoria. You're just making it worse! Bloody hell, I've got to take my mind off of this.

Well, I guess I'll take this can of raid to bed with me, and just… leave it next to the bed. Yep, that should do it, I think. Good 'ol can of Raid. Yep, now I'll just turn off the light and go to… ah, shit. Who am I fooling? Lights on- no spiders- oh well. I'll just leave the lights on anyway. And I am _so _keeping this flyswatter right here next to my pillow, so I can swat any of the little arachnid bastards if they get anywhere near me.

Or maybe Vernedead, since he's equally annoying. Now, there's an equally disturbing thought. To tell the truth, I think I'd prefer the spiders to the merc. Yep. Spiders can't sing. Well, I hope not anyway. But if they could, they sure wouldn't sing something as immature as the Eskimo song, would they?

Yeah, I definitely like the spiders better than Pip.

Well, maybe not, since spiders aren't cute and French and-HOLY SHIT!! I did _not_ just think any of that! _And please dear God; tell me Master wasn't listening in on that please please please…_

…

Nope. Guess not. _Thank you thank you thank you, I promise I'll never do another bad thing again, just don't let Master find out about this. Or the captain. Definitely not the captain. _

…What was that noise? It sounds like tiny little spider feet… curse this bloody vampire hearing… I swear, I can hear each and every little movement that those bloody bugs make, and it's driving me up the wall!

How does Master stand it? Maybe his amazing Vampire-ness just kills all of the bugs before they get anywhere near him. Yeah, that must be it. I wish I could do that. I'm going to ask him how he does it, but I'll wait 'till he's in a good mood. Then maybe he'll answer my question, instead of just laughing at me like he usually does.

…

Ok, now it's quiet, and that's even worse. Maybe my amazing vampire coolness just killed them all, like Master.

Ugh, I'll never got to sleep. Where's my flyswa…

………_Snooooorrrrrrrrrreeeeeee……._

* * *

In the dark dungeons of the Hellsing mansion, the vampire Alucard finally managed to stop laughing, although it took a considerable amount of effort.

Sometimes, it was entertaining to look in on his fledgeling's thoughts.

Even though most of the time, it was just nonsense.

* * *

**A/N: **I literally just sat down at my computer, and typed this up. Well actually, I got the idea from a rather traumatizing experience involving a 2.5 inch long grasshopper and my face, but I'm not going to go into that…. –shudders- And I couldn't resist sticking some PxS in there, since it's bloody cute.

SUbLiMiNaL mEsSaGiNg:

CLiCk ThE dAmN rEvIeW bUtToN oR I'lL sIc ThE gEeSe On YoU.

CoOkIeS aRe GoOd. So ArE rEvIeWs. MmMmMmMm ReViEw CoOkIeS…

**Right below these words is the REVIEW BUTTON!!!**

**Click it. You know you want to.**


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